1. After their starting quarterback went down over the weekend, the St. Louis Rams reportedly reached out to 44-year-old retired quarterback Brett Favre to gauge his interest in a comeback. Favre rejected the offer, mainly because his penis doesn’t photograph well in blue and gold.
2. After their starting quarterback went down over the weekend, the St. Louis Rams reportedly reached out to 44-year-old retired quarterback Brett Favre to gauge his interest in a comeback. Favre declined the offer because he believed the level of competition, going from the pickup games in those Wranglers commercials to the Rams, would be a step backwards.
3. Police in Alabama are looking for a man who broke into a store while wearing a white sheet over his head. But something tells me that’s not the worst crime he’s ever committed.
4. New York’s iconic Ellis Island will partially reopen to the public on Monday, a year after it was submerged by Superstorm Sandy. Although, if you think about it, a closed Ellis Island is a little more in line with most American’s views on immigration.
5. A former doctor convicted of second degree murder for infecting at least nine patients with hepatitis C was sentenced to life in prison on Thursday. And yet Tommy Lee is allowed to walk around a free man.
6. According to a recent study, providing children with sports equipment, encouragement and a safe environment boosts their activity levels during the average school day. “Sports equipment. Check.” Said Jerry Sandusky.
7. Billionaire businessman Richard Branson said on Thursday his decision to leave Britain to live on his private Caribbean island was not to dodge paying UK taxes but to give him a healthier lifestyle. Branson said that Britain’s dental care was no match for what was provided on his uninhabited, deserted island.
8. On Thursday, it was announced that actor Jamie Dornan will replace Charlie Hunnam in the role of billionaire Christian Grey in the screen adaptation of the best-selling erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey.” “Great. Whatever. Just start shooting the damn thing!” said your Aunt.
9. According to a study of nearly a million girls in Denmark and Sweden, the human papillomavirus vaccine was not linked to short- or long-term health problems. “It’s go time,” said Michael Douglas.
10. There are still major glitches associated with the Obamacare website and now tech experts are saying that the only way to fix it is to start over from scratch. Although the experts did not specify if they meant the website or the country.
11. According to a recent survey, a record 58% of Americans are in favor of legalizing marijuana. Although, I think that number may be a little inflated since after answering the survey most participants wandered off, forgot they had already answered the survey and then took it again.
12. According to a study published this month in the journal Science, scientists from Harvard and Yale have successfully developed a new genome for E. Coli, creating a new viral-resistant bacterium. Hooray?
